Difference between revisions of "Transcript:The Six Million Dollar Mon"
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<poem>'''{{Hermes}}''': People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.</poem> | <poem>'''{{Hermes}}''': People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.</poem> | ||
:''[Hermes pulls a string in his collar, causing a necktie to unfurl. Everyone gasps.]'' | :''[Hermes pulls a string in his collar, causing a necktie to unfurl. Everyone gasps.]'' | ||
<poem>'''{{Fry}}''': Oh, no. The firing tie. | <poem>'''{{Fry}}''': Oh, no. The firing tie.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. [''lowers his voice''] Zoidberg.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. [''lowers his voice''] Zoidberg.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''{{Zoidberg}}''': [''laughs''] Classic Hermes.</poem> | <poem>'''{{Zoidberg}}''': [''laughs''] Classic Hermes.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.</poem> | ||
:''['''Cut to''': Professor Farnsworth's lab. Hermes, holding a pen and clipboard, is standing in front of the lab's bench; Amy is standing behind it.]'' | :''['''Cut to''': Professor Farnsworth's lab. Hermes, holding a pen and clipboard, is standing in front of the lab's bench; Amy is standing behind it.]'' | ||
<poem>'''{{Amy}}''': My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. | <poem>'''{{Amy}}''': My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in.</poem> | ||
:''[She turns to indicate the Professor, who is asleep in a recliner, snoring.]'' | :''[She turns to indicate the Professor, who is asleep in a recliner, snoring.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''': Uh, yes, sir, [''she shuffles some papers nervously''] I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.</poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': Uh, yes, sir, [''she shuffles some papers nervously''] I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.</poem> | ||
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<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Hermes, no!</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Hermes, no!</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. | <poem>'''Fry''': But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': I've already notified the central bureaucracy. [''The doorbell rings.''] They'll be here two seconds ago.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': I've already notified the central bureaucracy. [''The doorbell rings.''] They'll be here two seconds ago.</poem> | ||
:''['''Cut to''': The Planet Express lobby. The crew is gathered behind Hermes as he answers the door. Center Square Guy enters.]'' | :''['''Cut to''': The Planet Express lobby. The crew is gathered behind Hermes as he answers the door. Center Square Guy enters.]'' | ||
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<poem>'''Mark 7-G''': Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.</poem> | <poem>'''Mark 7-G''': Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Center Square Guy''': Sounds like a party. | <poem>'''Center Square Guy''': Sounds like a party. | ||
:''[Once more, all but Hermes laugh.]'' | :''[Once more, all but Hermes laugh.]''</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Center Square Guy''': Good-bye. [''He leaves the building; the crew breaks into applause''.]</poem> | <poem>'''Center Square Guy''': Good-bye. [''He leaves the building; the crew breaks into applause''.]</poem> | ||
:''[Hermes takes his personnel file out of his jacket, stamps it FIRED, and feeds it into a slot in Mark 7-G.]'' | :''[Hermes takes his personnel file out of his jacket, stamps it FIRED, and feeds it into a slot in Mark 7-G.]'' | ||
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<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': What?!</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': What?!</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': And you're not the father.<poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': And you're not the father.</poem> | ||
No! | <poem>'''Hermes''': No!</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad any more, do they?</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad any more, do they?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Oh, also, I wrecked the car.<poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Oh, also, I wrecked the car.</poem> | ||
:''[Roberto jumps out from behind a tree. He is carrying three knives.]'' | :''[Roberto jumps out from behind a tree. He is carrying three knives.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Roberto]]''': This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.</poem> | <poem>'''[[Roberto]]''': This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.</poem> | ||
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<poem>'''Bender''': Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.</poem> | <poem>'''Bender''': Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': We need to talk alone.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': We need to talk alone.</poem> | ||
Okay, Hermes. Sure. | <poem>'''Fry''': Okay, Hermes. Sure.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Leela''': [in shower] Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil?</poem> | <poem>'''Leela''': [in shower] Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': In a second. I'm eavesdropping.</poem> | <poem>'''Fry''': In a second. I'm eavesdropping.</poem> | ||
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(Cat yowls) | (Cat yowls) | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, honey, I'm home!</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, honey, I'm home!</poem> | ||
Pops?! Is that a harpoon in your chest? | <poem>'''Dwight''': Pops?!</poem> | ||
Yes. And I'm happy to see you. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Is that a harpoon in your chest?</poem> | ||
Mmm And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Yes. And I'm happy to see you. Mmm. And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.</poem> | ||
I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. | <poem>'''Amy''': I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery?</poem> | ||
But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. | <poem>'''Hermes''': It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?</poem> | ||
It's the bureaucrat's best friend. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': [grunting] ''[Laughs.]'' Pitiful and sickening.</poem> | ||
Observe. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.</poem> | ||
Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Mark 7-G''': My best wasn't good enough.</poem> | <poem>'''Mark 7-G''': My best wasn't good enough.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': I'll need my personnel file, please.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': I'll need my personnel file, please.</poem> | ||
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<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?</poem> | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Scruffy''': 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.</poem> | <poem>'''Scruffy''': 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': [Sighs.] I'll fetch my hand tools.</poem> | |||
Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine? | <poem>'''Bender''': Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?</poem> | ||
No more implants. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.</poem> | ||
I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. | <poem>'''Bender''': That's sweet, Hermes.</poem> | ||
That's sweet, Hermes. | |||
<poem>'''Mark 7-G''': Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.</poem> | <poem>'''Mark 7-G''': Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': How long will it take to install an extendo-arm?</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': How long will it take to install an extendo-arm?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Yuri''': I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.</poem> | <poem>'''Yuri''': I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[Grunts.]'' [garbled] Thank you, Hermes.</poem> | |||
I don't know. | <poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain.</poem> | ||
It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Ah-ah-ah, it's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer Vegetable peeler Pipe-bending jig.</poem> | ||
Ah-ah-ah, it's not just a drain snake. | |||
It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. | |||
Jackhammer Vegetable peeler Pipe-bending jig. | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': A machine that can bend? No way.</poem> | <poem>'''Bender''': A machine that can bend? No way.</poem> | ||
But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants?</poem> | ||
Such a mild insult. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.</poem> | ||
That's not my Hermes. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of What happened to your cutoff body parts anyhow?</poem> | ||
Speaking of What happened to your cutoff body parts anyhow? Right here. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Right here. I was going to donate them to the salvation air force, but they're starting to rot.</poem> | ||
I was going to donate them to the salvation air force, but they're starting to rot. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Then I'll just take them and, uh, throw them away, shall I why not? Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Nyah-ah-ah.</poem> | ||
Then I'll just take them and, uh, throw them away, shall I why not? Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Nyah-ah-ah. | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': [imitating Hermes] "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican."</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': [imitating Hermes] "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican."</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': [''laughs''] Good one at my expense, Hermes.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': [''laughs''] Good one at my expense, Hermes.</poem> | ||
Mmm, well, I must admit it's not bad. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Mmm, well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine.</poem> | ||
And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.</poem> | ||
Yes, our lives will never be the same. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': (Snoring) Ooh! Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for?</poem> | ||
Darn it! I'll be right back. | |||
(Snoring) Ooh! Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.</poem> | ||
:''[Moaning, smooching]'' | |||
Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. | :''[Whirring]'' | ||
I promise. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Aah! Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': I promise.</poem> | |||
Nice | :''[Bender, '''Fry''', '''Farnsworth''', '''Leela''', '''Amy''' and '''Zoidberg''' ooh and aah] | ||
<poem>'''Amy''': Wow.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.</poem> | |||
:[''Bender''' grunts and stammers] | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': I still have one thing no robot shall ever have a good old flesh-and- blood human brain.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': I still have one thing no robot shall ever have a good old flesh-and- blood human brain.</poem> | ||
Yes, a big, smart brain. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right?</poem> | ||
Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.</poem> | ||
Uh, Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, doctor. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Uh, Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me?</poem> | ||
Right here. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Yes, yes, doctor. Right here. | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': How could you even ask such a thing? Of course, I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': How could you even ask such a thing? Of course, I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.</poem> | ||
Thanks to years of Labarbara's curried goat, no doubt. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Thanks to years of Labarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces.</poem> | ||
But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. | |||
Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Something wonderful.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Something wonderful.</poem> | ||
<poem>''' | <poem>'''Florp''': Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and Little Hermes.</poem> | ||
:''[Cheering and applause.]'' | |||
Hello | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Hello! Hello! So, Little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running?</poem> | ||
So, Little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho ho, mon."</poem> | ||
<poem>''' | :''[Audience laughing]'' | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?"</poem> | |||
"Looks like you found it again. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Yes.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "Looks like you found it again."</poem> | |||
That was quite a zinger, old friend. | :''[Little Hermes and audience laugh.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "I'm not your friend. I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "I'm not your friend. I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."</poem> | |||
:''[Audience laughing']] | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week.</poem> | ||
"You've been warned, people. | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': "You've been warned, people.</poem> | ||
:''[Audience laughing']] | |||
I can only see one of his four mouth-tendrils moving. | <poem>'''Amy''': (laughing) He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth-tendrils moving.</poem> | ||
So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show? | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret.</poem> | ||
You could always undo your implants. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': You could always undo your implants.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.</poem> | ||
But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. | <poem>'''Fry''': But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Exactly.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Exactly.</poem> | ||
:''['''Bender''', '''Leela''', '''Fry''', '''Zoidberg''' and '''Amy''' gasp.] | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oops.</poem> | |||
:''['''Little Hermes''' gasps.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Yuri''': Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.</poem> | <poem>'''Yuri''': Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.</poem> | ||
( | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': (laughing wildly) Ah, a freshly dug robot grave.</poem> | ||
Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. | <poem>'''Bender''': Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.</poem> | ||
Step aside. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Step aside.</poem> | ||
Bing-reka! The brain circuit. | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it.</poem> | ||
Come, fellows. | <poem>'''Bender''': Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot.</poem> | ||
Let's go home and install it. | :''[Bender chuckles. Wind howls. Electrical buzzing.]'' | ||
Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': So, Little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery?</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': So, Little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."</poem> | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."</poem> | ||
:''['''Amy''', '''Bender''', '''Leela''' and '''Fry''' laugh]'' | |||
Commence the operation! | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens! ''[Clanking. Birds chirping.]'' Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation!</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Terminate the operation!</poem> | <poem>'''Labarbara''': Terminate the operation!</poem> | ||
Labarbara? Dwight? | <poem>'''Hermes''': Labarbara? Dwight?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': I just got an urgent text from Little Hermes. You can't do this thing! You don't even know whose brain that is.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': I just got an urgent text from Little Hermes. You can't do this thing! You don't even know whose brain that is.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.</poem> | ||
:''[All gasp.]'' | |||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors.</poem> | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.</poem> | ||
:''[Whirring]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': You can't force me to operate.</poem> | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': You can't force me to operate.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait. I'll perform the surgery.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait. I'll perform the surgery.</poem> | ||
You? With those clumsy claws? | <poem>'''Hermes''': You? With those clumsy claws?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Little Hermes''': "But mine aren't. | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': "But mine aren't. You, mon, give me that robot brain."</poem> | ||
You, mon, give me that robot brain. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you, metal guy, lie down.</poem> | ||
And you, metal guy, lie down. | <poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him?</poem> | ||
Zoidberg, this makes no sense. | :''[Drumbeat playing]'' | ||
Why are you helping him? | <poem>'''Bender''': And what's that catchy beat?</poem> | ||
Two, three I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': I'll tell you.</poem> | ||
when a happy thought dispelled my woe | <poem>Two, three I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago | ||
and I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull | when a happy thought dispelled my woe | ||
if I sliced up his cyborg skull | and I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull</poem> | ||
he wants a brain he wants a robot brain another brain let's see if he feels pain | <poem>'''Little Hermes''': if I sliced up his cyborg skull</poem> | ||
a brand-new brain it might drive him insane he wants a brain he wants a robot brain wa-ooh wa-wa-ooh | <poem>'''Zoidberg''' and '''Little Hermes''': (in harmony) he wants a brain</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': he wants a robot brain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''' and '''Little Hermes''': (in harmony) another brain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': let's see if he feels pain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''' and '''Little Hermes''': (in harmony) a brand-new brain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': it might drive him insane</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''' and '''Little Hermes''': (in harmony) he wants a brain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': he wants a robot brain</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''' and '''Little Hermes''': (in harmony) wa-ooh wa-wa-ooh</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?</poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, loosen up, Amy.</poem> | <poem>'''Fry''': Oh, loosen up, Amy.</poem> | ||
My condolences, Labarbara. | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': My condolences, Labarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.</poem> | ||
I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': (sobbing) Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?</poem> | ||
( | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.</poem> | ||
:''[All gasping]'' | |||
Sweet reawakenin' Of me, a Jamaican-in. | <poem>'''Dwight''': Pops.</poem> | ||
Hermes, you're alive. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet reawakenin' Of me, a Jamaican-in.</poem> | ||
And practically rhyming. | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Hermes, you're alive.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Dwight''': And practically rhyming.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Wife, son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': Wife, son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.</poem> | ||
Not so fast. | <poem>'''Roberto''': (in Mecha-Hermes' body) Not so fast.</poem> | ||
:''[All gasp.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Roberto''': But faster than that!</poem> | |||
I left them in my other body. | <poem>'''Hermes''': It's that insane robot, Roberto.</poem> | ||
Oh, yeah. | :''[All scream.]'' | ||
And I'm-a stick 'em in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Quick, Hermes, the keys.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': I left them in my other body.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Roberto''': Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick 'em in your pancreas till I find one that opens it.</poem> | |||
Mmm, that's tasty. | :''[Roberto yells à la Tarzan.]'' | ||
Too tasty. | :''[All yell.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Roberto''': I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.</poem> | |||
It it burns! ( | :''[Hermes gasps.]'' | ||
Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Ow! Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. | ||
<poem>'''Roberto''': Mmm, that's tasty. Too tasty. [Whimpers.] It burns. It it burns! (screaming)</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': What's happening?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself?</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself?</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': But I hate him.</poem> | <poem>'''Hermes''': But I hate him.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''LaBarbara''': Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.</poem> | <poem>'''LaBarbara''': Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.</poem> | ||
:''[Hermes clears his throat.]'' | |||
Thank you. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Zoidberg, I I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you.</poem> | ||
Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-My-Friend Conrad. [Grunts.] You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.</poem> | ||
Well, here's one for you, Mr. | :''[Bender laughs.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''': It's funny because it's mean.</poem> | |||
You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.</poem> | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.</poem> | ||
:''[Zoidberg sings in harmony with himself.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': He's doing it again.</poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': Ugh. He's doing it again.</poem> | ||
Revision as of 08:43, 8 February 2020
- [Opening Credits. Caption: This Episode Worth 250 Futurama Points.]
- [Scene: Planet Express Building, conference room. Everyone but Hermes is seated at the conference table, looking up as Hermes descends from somewhere above, riding some sort of jet-powered hover disc.]
Hermes: People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.
- [Hermes pulls a string in his collar, causing a necktie to unfurl. Everyone gasps.]
Fry: Oh, no. The firing tie.
Hermes: Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. [lowers his voice] Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: [laughs] Classic Hermes.
Hermes: Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg.
- [Cut to: Professor Farnsworth's lab. Hermes, holding a pen and clipboard, is standing in front of the lab's bench; Amy is standing behind it.]
Amy: My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in.
- [She turns to indicate the Professor, who is asleep in a recliner, snoring.]
Amy: Uh, yes, sir, [she shuffles some papers nervously] I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.
- [She picks up a small lamp and makes a snoring sound into it. Hermes writes a note on his clipboard.]
- [Cut to: Somewhere in space. Fry and Bender are outside the Planet Express ship, holding a crate marked ASHES FOR SPACE BURIAL. Hermes and Leela are standing on the ship's hull.]
Hermes: Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship?
Leela: Not if you stand on their air hose much longer.
- [Hermes notices that he is standing on the hose, causing a large air bubble to form.]
Hermes: Noted.
- [He lifts his foot; the air bubble rushes down the hose, causing Fry's and Bender's space suits to over-inflate and explode.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express boiler room. Hermes is interviewing Scruffy, who is lying down on his cot.]
Scruffy: My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me if'n you dare.
- [He picks up, and starts reading, a magazine titled ASTOUNDING TALES OF DOING IT. Hermes, shaking his head, makes a note on his clipboard.]
- [Time Lapse. The team is gathered around the conference table again. Hermes stands facing them.]
Hermes: Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is -
- [Dramatic pause. Everyone scoots away from Zoidberg, who is seated in the middle.]
Hermes: - Hermes Conrad.
Amy: What?!
Leela: No way!
Zoidberg: Hermes, no!
Hermes: Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.
Fry: But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other.
Hermes: I've already notified the central bureaucracy. [The doorbell rings.] They'll be here two seconds ago.
- [Cut to: The Planet Express lobby. The crew is gathered behind Hermes as he answers the door. Center Square Guy enters.]
Hermes: I suppose you're here to tell me to pack it in?
Center Square Guy: Only if you buy me dinner first.
- [All but Hermes laugh.]
Hermes: I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that.
Center Square Guy: You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you.
Mark 7-G: [entering the lobby] I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you.
Hermes: [sighs] Will you be conducting an exit interview?
Center Square Guy: Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.
- [Again, all but Hermes laugh.]
Mark 7-G: Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.
Center Square Guy: Sounds like a party.
[Once more, all but Hermes laugh.]
Center Square Guy: Good-bye. [He leaves the building; the crew breaks into applause.]
- [Hermes takes his personnel file out of his jacket, stamps it FIRED, and feeds it into a slot in Mark 7-G.]
Hermes: Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime.
Farnsworth: [makes a shooing motion with his hands] Off you go.
- [Hermes leaves the building, looks back once. The doors close behind him.]
Bender: [to Mark 7-G] So, I hear you're a machine - [Zoidberg slaps Bender.] ow!
Zoidberg: Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement?
Amy: Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone.
Zoidberg: What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing.
Bender: Oy.
Zoidberg: You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.
Leela: I insult you, you fat sack.
Zoidberg: Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. [He kicks Mark 7-G, starts sobbing.] I'll never see Hermes again.
- [Cut to: The Conrad home. Hermes and Dwight are at the dining room table; LaBarbara brings a pot of food from the kitchen.]
Hermes: On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.
LaBarbara: Aw, there, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat.
Hermes: It better be spicy.
Judge Whitey: Well played.
Sal: Ows.
(Robots screaming)
Robot Devil: Ah, fire. Aah! It burns! It burns!
Hermes: Hmm, not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.
Hermes: I just don't know how we'll get by.
LaBarbara: Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant.
Hermes: What?!
LaBarbara: And you're not the father.
Hermes: No!
LaBarbara: I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad any more, do they?
Hermes: You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara.
LaBarbara: Oh, also, I wrecked the car.
- [Roberto jumps out from behind a tree. He is carrying three knives.]
Roberto: This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.
LaBarbara: My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.
Roberto: I said hand it over. I'm hungry! Ha-haw! Ha-haw!
Hermes: For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy?!
Roberto: You calling me cra---zy?! Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Ha-haw!
LaBarbara: Do something, Hermes.
Hermes: I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!
URL: Freeze, bagwad!
Smitty: You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.
Roberto: I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me.
URL: That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.
Roberto: And then I'm-a stab it. Ha-haw!
(Siren wails) (Magnets hum)
Roberto: S-s-stop! It's driving me sane!
(Screaming)
Fry: Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood.
Bender: Nah, I like my victims to know who did it.
Hermes: Psst!
Bender: Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.
Hermes: We need to talk alone.
Fry: Okay, Hermes. Sure.
Leela: [in shower] Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil?
Fry: In a second. I'm eavesdropping.
- [Amy appears behind Leela in the shower.]
Amy: Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.
Fry: I said not now!
Bender: Sure, I know a guy.
Bender: Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.
Hermes: So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation.
Yuri: I am expert in shadowy field of many things.
Hermes: I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me?
Yuri: No problem. I prepare operating room.
(Cat yowls)
Hermes: Oh, honey, I'm home!
Dwight: Pops?!
LaBarbara: Is that a harpoon in your chest?
Hermes: Yes. And I'm happy to see you. Mmm. And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.
Amy: I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery?
Hermes: It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?
Zoidberg: [grunting] [Laughs.] Pitiful and sickening.
Hermes: Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.
Mark 7-G: My best wasn't good enough.
Hermes: I'll need my personnel file, please.
Zoidberg: Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly.
Hermes: You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend.
Zoidberg: [laughs] Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry.
Farnsworth: Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?
Scruffy: 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.
Hermes: [Sighs.] I'll fetch my hand tools.
Bender: Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?
Hermes: Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.
Bender: That's sweet, Hermes.
Mark 7-G: Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.
Hermes: How long will it take to install an extendo-arm?
Yuri: I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.
Farnsworth: [Grunts.] [garbled] Thank you, Hermes.
Fry: I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain.
Hermes: Ah-ah-ah, it's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer Vegetable peeler Pipe-bending jig.
Bender: A machine that can bend? No way.
Zoidberg: But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants?
Hermes: Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.
Zoidberg: Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of What happened to your cutoff body parts anyhow?
Hermes: Right here. I was going to donate them to the salvation air force, but they're starting to rot.
Zoidberg: Then I'll just take them and, uh, throw them away, shall I why not? Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Nyah-ah-ah.
Zoidberg: So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think.
Zoidberg: [imitating Hermes] "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican."
Zoidberg: [laughs] Good one at my expense, Hermes.
LaBarbara: Mmm, well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine.
Hermes: Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.
LaBarbara: (Snoring) Ooh! Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for?
Hermes: Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.
- [Moaning, smooching]
- [Whirring]
LaBarbara: Aah! Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades.
Hermes: I promise.
- [Bender, Fry, Farnsworth, Leela, Amy and Zoidberg ooh and aah]
Amy: Wow.
Fry: Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.
- [Bender' grunts and stammers]
Amy: So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot?
Hermes: I still have one thing no robot shall ever have a good old flesh-and- blood human brain.
Zoidberg: Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right?
Hermes: Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.
Zoidberg: Uh, Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me?
Hermes: Yes, yes, doctor. Right here.
<poem>Hermes: Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?
Zoidberg: How could you even ask such a thing? Of course, I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.
Hermes: Thanks to years of Labarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces.
Zoidberg: Something wonderful.
Florp: Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and Little Hermes.
- [Cheering and applause.]
Zoidberg: Hello! Hello! So, Little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running?
Little Hermes: "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho ho, mon."
- [Audience laughing]
Little Hermes: "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?"
Zoidberg: Yes.
Little Hermes: "Looks like you found it again."
- [Little Hermes and audience laugh.]
Zoidberg: Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend.
Little Hermes: "I'm not your friend. I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."
- [Audience laughing']]
Zoidberg: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week.
Little Hermes: "You've been warned, people.
- [Audience laughing']]
Amy: (laughing) He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth-tendrils moving.
Little Hermes: So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?
Hermes: Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret.
Zoidberg: You could always undo your implants.
Hermes: Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.
Fry: But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain.
Hermes: Exactly.
- [Bender, Leela, Fry, Zoidberg and Amy gasp.]
Zoidberg: Oops.
- [Little Hermes gasps.]
Yuri: Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.
Farnsworth: (laughing wildly) Ah, a freshly dug robot grave.
Bender: Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.
Hermes: Step aside.
Farnsworth: Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it.
Bender: Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot.
- [Bender chuckles. Wind howls. Electrical buzzing.]
Zoidberg: So, Little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery?
Little Hermes: "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."
- [Amy, Bender, Leela and Fry laugh]
Farnsworth: Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens! [Clanking. Birds chirping.] Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation!
Labarbara: Terminate the operation!
Hermes: Labarbara? Dwight?
LaBarbara: I just got an urgent text from Little Hermes. You can't do this thing! You don't even know whose brain that is.
Hermes: It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.
LaBarbara: You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son.
Hermes: Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.
- [All gasp.]
LaBarbara: Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.
Farnsworth: Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors.
LaBarbara: Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.
Hermes: There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.
- [Whirring]
Farnsworth: You can't force me to operate.
Hermes: Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.
Zoidberg: Wait. I'll perform the surgery.
Hermes: You? With those clumsy claws?
Zoidberg: It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.
Little Hermes: "But mine aren't. You, mon, give me that robot brain."
Zoidberg: And you, metal guy, lie down.
Leela: Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him?
- [Drumbeat playing]
Bender: And what's that catchy beat?
Zoidberg: I'll tell you.
Two, three I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago
when a happy thought dispelled my woe
and I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull
Little Hermes: if I sliced up his cyborg skull
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: (in harmony) he wants a brain
Zoidberg: he wants a robot brain
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: (in harmony) another brain
Zoidberg: let's see if he feels pain
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: (in harmony) a brand-new brain
Zoidberg: it might drive him insane
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: (in harmony) he wants a brain
Zoidberg: he wants a robot brain
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: (in harmony) wa-ooh wa-wa-ooh
Amy: Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?
Fry: Oh, loosen up, Amy.
Farnsworth: My condolences, Labarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.
LaBarbara: (sobbing) Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?
Zoidberg: I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.
- [All gasping]
Dwight: Pops.
Hermes: Sweet reawakenin' Of me, a Jamaican-in.
LaBarbara: Hermes, you're alive.
Dwight: And practically rhyming.
Hermes: Wife, son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.
Roberto: (in Mecha-Hermes' body) Not so fast.
- [All gasp.]
Roberto: But faster than that!
Hermes: It's that insane robot, Roberto.
- [All scream.]
Farnsworth: Quick, Hermes, the keys.
Hermes: I left them in my other body.
Roberto: Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick 'em in your pancreas till I find one that opens it.
- [Roberto yells à la Tarzan.]
- [All yell.]
Roberto: I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.
- [Hermes gasps.]
Hermes: Ow! Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.
<poem>Roberto: Mmm, that's tasty. Too tasty. [Whimpers.] It burns. It it burns! (screaming)
Fry: What's happening?
Zoidberg: The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.
Hermes: In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.
LaBarbara: Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself?
Hermes: But I hate him.
LaBarbara: Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.
- [Hermes clears his throat.]
Hermes: Zoidberg, I I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you.
Zoidberg: Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-My-Friend Conrad. [Grunts.] You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.
- [Bender laughs.]
Bender: It's funny because it's mean.
Zoidberg: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.
- [Zoidberg sings in harmony with himself.]
Amy: Ugh. He's doing it again.